R. Kelly is on the train?...Oh, wait...nevermind.

I believe I was on the A train, when I began to hear a mellifluous voice coming from the back of the train.

Let me rephrase that.

I believe I was on the A train, when I began to hear the most grating raspy sound any vocal chord could ever produce, coming from the back of the train. I took out my ear bud, put Ke$ha on pause, to try and figure out what song this man was singing. As I started to recognize the melody, I realized this man was BELTING out R. Kelly's classic 90's hit, "I Believe I Can Fly," from the rousing and motivational drama, "Space Jam." As he reached the climax of the song (you know the part when the gospel choir comes in) another man joined him as his back up. After a few bars, a small group of teenagers decided to step in as well. One by one, including myself, the entire car became his choir, as he took the lead vocals in stride. He even attempted R. Kelly's famous riffs and emulated his well-intentioned, yet, vague conducting skills. I, seriously, wished I had had a video camera for this situation, because it was awe-inspiring.

The train pulled up to the 59th Columbus circle stop, just as he finished his performance. It was absolutely perfect timing. But, did people give him any money? Nope.

Please revisit this classic music video, because there's so much inspiration. R. Kelly is the most inspiratory, inspiring, inspirational man, in zepra print pants, I have ever seen.

Actions speak louder than words...

Sitting on the 3 train in the middle of the day, a straggly older gentleman walks onto the train. Instead of sitting next to the few people near the end of the train, he chooses to walk towards the other end near me. Of course. He makes himself very comfortable on the bench across from me, and even takes the initiative to lie down. He glances at me, sticks his hands down his pants, and starts stroking.

Yes, stroking.

This was unlike any masturbation I've ever seen, not that I've seen that many. But, he was so angrily touching himself, I became concerned. The man was really tugging away at that thang. I mean, did his penis say something mean to him? Did he want to show his penis who's boss? Or, was it just a sweet romantic gesture to get my attention? I really wanted to ask, but I guess that would be inappropriate, although, masturbating on the train is probably equally as inappropriate. Eh, I'll never know...



He looked just like this:

***I totally googled "angry masturbation."